Found Letter

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am writing you as I slowly die. My body is losing blood rapidly as we speak. All these years of CPR and Emergency Preparedness could never have prepared me for this massive, huge mistake that just got taken.

Hopefully one day you’ll realize the resonance of my research, understand what my life’s work entailed. Zoology remains stagnant. My “avant garde” approach to engaging with the creatures that inhabit this earth may stir controversy, yes. Remember, however, I am your little boy, always and forever.

Love,

Death by Horsecock Guy.

P.S. Maybe you could set up a scholarshiop in my name, “Let The Animals In” Zoological Scholarship Fund.

Cosmic Thoughts

Honesty

Dear Sir/Madam,

First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly Top Secret. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day.

Let me start by first introducing myself properly to you. I am Thomas B.Biskup,a senior Staff member of Banque De L'Habitat Au (BHBF) in France would like you to indicate your interest to receive the transfer of $7.5 Million Dollars.I will like you to stand as the next of kin to my late client whose account is presently dormant for children's in needs all over the world claims. Please once you are interested kindly send me the following details information below,

(1) Private phone and Cell:..............................

(2) Fax numbers:..............................................


Thank you in advance for your anticipated co-operation.

Yours sincerely,

Mr.Thomas B.Biskup

Please, kindly disregard this message if you are not capable of handling this transaction.

Dramatic Review

My friend Curt was a forensics guy in highschool (debating not CSI). When he went to Radford, he tried out for a production of Macbeth. He was the only non-theater major to be cast. He was Seyton, the murderer. He killed and bled many on stage. The crowd was stunned, asking “How is he such a good actor without taking a class with the drama department?”

When we performed an excerpt from “The Crucible” in class, Jeff outshone him with the role of Paris, done with a slight 20’s New York accent. Casting Ron as Danforth was a mistake.

I cannot perform to my fullest wihtout a proper stage and some Perrier.

*Arthur Miller was an American playwright and essayist. He was a prominent figure in American theatre, writing dramas that include award-winning plays such as All My Sons, Death of a Salesman, and The Crucible.

Speaking on my phone, to which is attached a green pocket Gideon's Bible

… (it’s ringing) … Hello, operator… yes. Noah’s Restaurant. . Thank you… . (rings again, this time the phone call has been redirected to Noah’s Restaurant, which is on Water Street). Uh hi. Yes I can hold. (holding). (holding still.) (what the fu-) Hey. Yes I would like a table for tonight. . I’m thinking around 7:30 or 8:00. . 7:45 will work. . Dinner yes. Um, I was thinking something in the amphibian section. . . Well I don’t really like the reptile booths, they sink too deep… I guess I can work with something in the Human section… … Actually, it’s going to be three of us. Me and my boys… What? It has to be just a man and a woman? … What does Prop 8 have to do with this?

Me and Mr. Coffee

Suggestions for the Yogi Bear movie

1) “Thems mothafuckas at Cottonelle givin’ us a bad name, let’s smoke they ass.” / “Only if they wipe” / “Shut the fuck up, Booboo.”

2) “Does a bear shit in the woods, Yogi?” / “Why the fuck would the state allot National Parks funds and not provide ample shitters? Think Boo”

3) “This picnic basket is nicer wicker” / “Don’t be a queef Boo, just load the crack and let’s peddle this shit before Ranger Smith catches wind” / “Sorry about that Yogi. The basket in 4C had a lot of deviled eggs” / “What is this? Gross-out humour?” / “I guess.”

The Family Stone

If America's Next Top Model was....

If the Cast of America’s Next Top Model was cast to play the cast of One Hundred Years of Solitude.

Ursula……………………………………Tyra Banks

Jose Arcadio Buendia………………….Nole Marin

Colonel Aureliano Buendia…………….Nigel Barker

Remedios/Rebeca/Renata…………….Heidi Klum

Jose Arcadio……………………………Ms. Jay

Arcadio………………………………….Jay

Melquiades……………………………..Seal